How Smart are You?

Pam <blkshld@bga.com>

Pam submitted the following:

About 30 years ago, my father taught Literature in high school summer school. The school directed that each class give a final exam on the last day of the term and then submit completed grade cards by the end of the day. This usually meant a lot of extra hassle for the teachers. My father, however, gave the final a day early and computed all of the grade card scores.
The cards were already to be turned in. When the students came to class the last day, my father stood in front of the class and told them that the administration had decreed that a final exam was to be given that day, and he had just the "final" for them. This is a copy of the "final exam" he passed out: (It's (was) one big paragraph.) Hope you enjoy!

Note from Joe: This might not work properly... it needs javascript enabled to mark it.. but give it a go...
Hint: if you get stuck: mark it as you go...and hit the back button

If the letter Z appears anywhere before this comma, cross it
out, otherwise cross it out in this word: Zoo.

Choose one: Cross out Z before the comma(or)Cross out in Zoo.

Now unless the word "word" appears in sword, click on wavy line below,
otherwise click on the cross; and by the way, if A is number 1 in
the alphabet, what does JM total (sum):

Choose one: ~ (Wavy Line) x (Cross)

If dogs chase cats, and cats chase mice, tell what single-figure odd number
becomes even when viewed upside down?, otherwise tick this box .

Don't write DISCURSIVE here if the word does not contain all of the vowels, but instead write the first four vowels in the alphabet.

Now look back to the first sentence and click to circle the word Zoo
unless a circle cannot represent any letter of the alphabet.

Circle 'Zoo'?

So much for the alphabet, except that if C is not the third letter
don't select this:, but do select the choice marked "a cow's ear"
at the bottom of the page, unless D is not the second letter, in which
case select "a human ear", unless you don't know what a human ear is.
If EAR rhymes with HAIR select an ear anyway.

Can you count from 10 down to 5? Do this backwards,
writing the numbers here (separated by spaces).

"a ball"

Now if a BAT can be a bird or not an animal don't select "a ball" at the right of this line, but write there the letters which appear least often in
ABRACADABRA. Punctuate this sentence to make sense:. Then if the wrong answer to "What is the largest state?" is Texas, don't write California here but in the same space don't write ZOWIE unless deer hear. Draw a line over the second word in this sentence and under the second word in the next sentence. In the box provided at the top of this page write three words ending in "X" . Write XYZ in the box at the bottom left of the page if a circle is not a square: Wait! Write it at the bottom right of the page instead unless a circle is sometimes bigger than a square. Next, give the wrong answer to the negative of this question: How old are you? Now if you've had enough, write UNCLE at the end of this sentence,
otherwise write UNCLE .

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