What Alan Did & What Alan Did Next

A Naked Triffid
Things happen to me - well, they happen to everybody; the only difference is that I write them down when they happen to me. Cross my heart and hope to die, every single story below is true and every incident took place exactly as described.

Of course - that hasn't stopped me putting my own peculiar slant on things. In the immortal words of Spike Milligan; "I've jazzed it up a little bit".

Enjoy...
In the Wet Transport The Eyes Have it
Bodily Functions Journey Milo and the Burglars
Head Games How to Recognise a Student

Diatribe On Language
Snap, Crackle, Pop Warrantable Risks

Telephones
Scunthorpe Tagine Alan and the Exploding Woman
Spelling Bonce Geography
Squashy Memories of Melbourne Enigmatic Variations
Three Feet Six Inches (Slimline) The Unkindest Cut of All Early Warning Systems
Living in a Kafka Novel Heartache The Hunting of the Mark
The Flaw Beneath My Feet Alan And The Vein Attempt Tales of a Travelling Man
Roads Trash Milo and the Lump
Alan Buys a New Toy Don't Bank On It Alan Buys A House
Greatness Don't Dilly Dally On The Way You CAN Get the Wood You Know
Hairy School Days The Natural History of the Triffid
Paradise Revisited Borering Alan and Robin Go Shopping
Milopuss Ipsissimus Mother Out Law's Tongue Gremlins
Alan And Robin Take A Trip Alan And Robin Have Guests  Alan And His Things 
Water Hotel AKL
Alan and Robin Lose Their Spark Alan and the Culture Clash Alan and the Auto-Self-Destructing Class
Alan and the Ultimate Secret Morning Beelzebub Down Under
Alan And Robin Get Wet Monarch of the Road Twisting By The Pool
Alan and Robin Unpack The Joy of Socks Alan and Robin Get Adopted
Alan Flies Undone The Silence Of The Harpo Things I Have Learned This Month
Alan Goes Squelch Them's The Breaks A Purple Box For Alan And Robin
Alan And Robin Catch A Train Alan And Robin Get Married Alan Stays At Home
Alan At The Charge Alan In The Pink Alan And The Empty Money Box
Alan And The Toaster Alan And His Laughter Alan And His Windows
Harpo On The Roof Warrant Of Fitness Alan And Robin And Their Car
The Flight Of The Humble Me 3G Alan Alan And The White House
Alan Has An Adventure Alan Goes To Dinner Weird Topologies
AIDS Memoires Is This A Record? The Haul Of The Mountain King
Old Hundredth Alan And The Tooth Fairy Alan And Robin Break Christmas
Alan And Robin Go Bush Alan And Robin Get In Hot Water Alan And Robin Go North
Alan And The Fungi From Yuggoth Alan Goes Screwing Alan And Robin Dry Out
Alan Gets Crowned Coaching Days Robin And The House Of Blue Lights
Alan And Robin Go Overland Alan Gets A Toy Robin Gets Cut Up
Harpo Gets A Hair Cut Soothing The Savage Breast Robin Flies West
Autobiographical Interlude skool daze The Graunch That Didn't Steal Christmas