General Help

General Help

Having spent my childhood on a farm, all my memories include animals. 

The best and the worst times, there was always an animal companion snuggled up at my side. From mice and frogs to sheep, pigs, cats, dogs, and horses I have loved them all for their unique personalities and the qualities they have made me aware of. 

The human/animal relationship is so different from anything else we experience in this life, it is truly a gift. Animals love us unconditionally for better or worse, for richer or poorer in sickness and in health, till death do us part. This is their commitment to us, so is it any wonder our attachments ,to these loving creatures is so strong?

The thing that I just don’t understand is why animal’s life spans are so much shorter than our own? Is it out of compassion to the human race? I wonder…..

In the 10 to 20 years we have to love and be loved, and care for our pet companions, when they go the pain is often unbearable. But maybe if they lived double that, the pain of our loss would be more than we are equipped to deal with?

That which you love deeply

You will grieve for deeply

But like most things your grief is like your fingerprints, unique and personal to you. GRIEF – What exactly does it mean? The Oxford dictionary describes it as deep sorrow; my eight-year-old daughter describes it as feeling like someone has ripped the insides out of your tummy! I’m sure you have your own feeling that goes along with this word, so lets look into this emotion facing it head on and maybe we might learn a bit more about ourselves along the way.

The first and most important thing is, don’t hide your emotions for fear of other peoples reactions, you can’t heal what you can’t feel. Some people will not understand your pain concerning pet loss, so to save yourself more pain, you need to identify and only confide in those that you know will understand and support your feelings through this time.

Some people ask “Am I crazy to feel this way about an animal?”

Just as love is love, pain is pain.

The love we can feel for a pet companion can be the same as we feel for family members. People understand grief in the form of losing a person, but when it comes to a pet, compassion is often lost. For some, especially the elderly, their animals may be the only family they do have. 

I encourage people grieving to allow themselves a few days off work to look after themselves physically and emotionally. So often this is not the case, and people are expected to carry on. This can be a very traumatic and lonely time. Understanding the process and knowing what to expect can help you cope better.

Grief is a normal yet highly personal response to loss. It is not an illness. It isn’t a pathological condition; it is a natural process and when it is understood and accepted, can lead to healing and personal growth in your life. 

There are many signs of grief, but not everyone experiences them all or in the same order. You may experience anger, depression, guilt, denial. These reactions may occur even before death, when you first learn the extent of your animal’s illness or injuries. Often the more sudden the death, the more difficult it is to accept the loss.

Grief is a powerful emotion; it can catch you totally unprepared and turn your world upside down. It can be painful beyond words physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. Grief also reminds us of how fragile life really is. It can make your present life feel meaningless and take away your hope for the future. 

Your pattern of progressing through your grief will be uneven, unpredictable, with no specific time frame. In the beginning it may seem like your grief is running your life, but in time you can learn to run your grief. When you understand what is happening to you and have some idea of what to expect, you will feel more in control, and be in a better position to look after yourself. 

Don’t let anyone compare their grief with your own. This is your loss and you need to acknowledge that your loss is worthy of grief and accept the emotions that go with it in the understanding that they are valid and crucial to your healing. 

Understand that grief is hard work and can take enormous amounts of energy. There is no quick way to avoid grief, you cant run, and you cant hide, and sorry but you can't wait it out either, and worst of all nobody can do it for you. Its called grief work because finding your way through is hard work, and like work if you try to put it off it wont go away. It will sit around and wait to be done, unfortunately the longer it waits, the harder it becomes.

To experience ones grief is to affirm and honour life. Grief gradually puts together the pieces of life that circumstances broke apart. When we grieve we remember our dreams, others and ourselves. We re-weave the fabric of life. Through grief we: find our connections, realise what matters most, find strength and resilience. Grief builds bridges not walls.

Friends and family members may be finished with your grief long before you are finished with your need to talk about it and unexpressed emotions can become distorted. When you have a bond with a pet that is strong it is only natural that you will want to talk about and remember them. In fact you can tell when healing is taking place, by talking about and remembering your beloved pet. You will find when you can talk about them with a smile and a good feeling, your grief is easing and your memory becomes a precious one instead of a painful one.

When you can see past the pain and look back and realise the hidden gifts and how much you have grown through this and the empathy you now have for others in this situation and the knowledge you have acquired about this emotion, you too have become an expert in grief, to care and share with others.