the_skill_of_not

The skill of not listening

 
One of nlp's little dictums relates to the learning of skills.
It is more useful to believe that 
 
  "If one person can do something then so can another."    
 
than to hold the opposite belief. 
 
Well today I thought I'd give you the opportunity of acquiring the
skill of "not listening"  Of course WE know you already have this
skill and in fact are probably most proficient in it when you want to
be.  However just so you can get an extra credit for being a fast
learner, how about pretending you don't know how to "not listen"
already. 
 
How would you go about acquiring the skill?   
 
You could of course experiment.  That would be an excellent scientific
method.  Or you could find someone for whom 'not listening" is a
doddle.  They can effortlessly not listen to people for hours. And
they can do it impressively.  People come away saying, "So and so
never listens."   And they make mistakes.  Oh how they mistakes.
Mistakes they would have avoided if they were only pretending to not
listen.   Yes.  These are the genuine not listeners.  It could be that
they are rare in your neck of the woods so when you come across one
greet the situation with glee.  Grasp the rare and unprecedented
opportunity with eager hands.  Listen to their every word.   
 
From time to time Tricia, my wife mentions one of these paragons of
non-listening virtue.   And I have wondered and wondered how that
person did it.   And kept on doing it despite the negative outcomes.
This person really had the pattern, what ever it was, down pat. 
 
Today in her innocent way Tricia was talking about reframing. 
About how some people are just to quick for there own good. 
They reframe Everything.  
I mean like anything they don't want to hear, they reframe. 
 
Bingo. There it is. 
 
These things might of course be unconnected.  
They might. 
 
There is however an intuition that responds well to trust by
accelerating my learning that says they are from one and the same
cluster.  
 
IMHO excessive reframing is the essential skill for developing an
advanced not-listening skill.  It is also consistent with the self
deception that leads to bad decision making. 
 
Perhaps reframing is something to be used like salt, sparingly. 
Then all the more subtle flavours can be savoured each in with its own
delightful nuance.  A pinch of salt added just before eating can bring
out the flavour.  It all a matter of discretion. 
 
But hey that is a mere side dish compared with the main event. 
 
So here it is, for the extra credit, you can stop pretending that you
didn't already know, 
 
"If you want to not listen effectively, model the experts, and
reframe, reframe, reframe."
 
If two reframes don't work try three ... or four. 
Life will never be the same again.