Australian beer drowns Czech Olympic hopes

This article was published in the Prague Post during the Sydney Olympics, September 2000, and illustrates the feelings Czechs have about their beer and other nations' poor imitations...

The Czech Republic's Olympic team had a rude awakening from their golden dreams earlier this week: Australian beer.

"What is this crap?" spat an incredulous Jan Zelezny, two-time Olympic javelin champion. "I asked for a beer."

Arriving in Sydney on Sunday, September 10, the world record holder had been offered "a cold one" by the welcoming committee. "Some welcome," Zelezny growled.

Questioned by Second Hand, International Olympic Committee Sydney spokesman Bruce Williams denied any attempt to poison Zelezny or any other members of the Czech team; or at least that's what he seemed to be saying as, being Australian, his English was largely unintelligible.

Investigators have in their possession a can of Foster's lager, well-known around the globe as the flagship of exported Australian beer.

Foster's consumption within its country of origin, however, is extremely low.

"Wudntujitmasef," said a Sydney shopkeeper in his native tongue, using a phrase which translates as: "Foster's? Are you out of your mind?"

Liquor stores throughout the city are stocked with Foster's in what some claim is a cynical effort to unload an inferior product on unsuspecting visitors.

Milos Jezek is a member of the Czech Olympic Committee. "See these dents?" he asked, indicating numerous small, round indentations on the distinctive blue can. "That comes from being repeatedly touched with a 10-foot pole."

The encounter with Foster's has been far too close for some Czech athletes.

After tasting the brew, Bohemia's 300-meter relay diving star Veronika Zemanova has withdrawn from Olympic competition.

"I'll not dive in a country where they consider this stuff to be beer," she said. "I'm scared to find out what qualifies as water."

The Australians are under increasing international pressure after the discovery that, while the Czechs and other unsuspecting visitors are being served Foster's, the Olympic hosts are swilling brews of a higher calibre.

Williams denied the allegations. "Foster's is a fine product," he said, through a snickering interpreter. "We drinks it all the time."

Subsequent investigations, however, revealed that the Australian National Olympic Committee had recently purchased the entire stock of Victoria Bitter within the state of New South Wales. Shortages of Castlemain XXXX, Swan and Boags are also suspected to be the result of hoarding.

For athletes like Zemanova, the incident opens old wounds. The diver was an Olympic hopeful in 1984 when the Soviet Union, East Germany and Czechoslovakia boycotted the Games in Los Angeles.

"It would have been my first Games," Zemanova said. "But the prevailing ideologies of the time killed my chances. There was simply no way Czechs were going to compete in a country that produces beer that bad."

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