FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Microsoft Announces Improved BSOD

In a surprise announcement today, Microsoft President Steve Ballmer
revealed that the Redmond based company will allow computer resellers
and end-users to customize the appearance of the Blue Screen of Death
(abbreviated BSOD), the screen that displays when the Windows
operating system crashes.

The move comes as the result of numerous focus groups and customer
surveys done by Microsoft. Thousands of Microsoft customers were
asked, "What do you spend the most time doing on your computer?"

A surprising number of respondents said, "Staring at a Blue Screen of
Death".  At 54 percent, it was the top answer, beating the second
place answer "Downloading XXXScans" by an easy 12 points, and
blowing away the third place answer "Trying to download bug fixes
Microsoft, and getting crashed webpages" by a huge 32 points.

"We immediately recognized this as a great opportunity for ourselves,
our channel partners, and especially our customers." explained the
excited Ballmer to a room full of reporters.

Immense video displays were used to show images of the new
customizable BSOD screen side-by-side with the older static version.
Users can select from a collection of "BSOD Themes", allowing them to
instead have a Mauve Screen of Death or even a Paisley Screen of
Death. Graphics and multimedia content can now be incorporated into
the screen, making the BSOD the perfect conduit for delivering product
information and entertainment to Windows users.

The Blue Screen of Death is by far the most recognized feature of the
Windows (tm) operating system, and as a result, Microsoft has
historically insisted on total control over its look-and-feel. This
recent departure from that policy reflects Microsoft's recognition of
the Windows desktop itself as the "ultimate information portal." By
default, the new BSOD will be configured to show a random selection of
Microsoft product information whenever the system crashes.  Microsoft
channel partners can negotiate with Microsoft for the right to
customize the BSOD on systems they ship.

Major computer resellers such as Compaq, Gateway, and Dell are already
lining up for premier placement on the new and improved BSOD.

Balmer concluded by getting a dig in against the Open Source
community. "This just goes to show that Microsoft continues to
innovate at a much faster pace than open source. I have yet to see any
evidence that Linux even has a BSOD, let alone a customizable one."

** Coming soon -- Options for the Hour Glass of Doom!