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THE CAR LOVERS DATE | Ewen Gilmour ::.::.:..
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The Car Lovers Date
It's quite a Valiant effort
I met her in the Civic, I'd been Holden up the bar all night.
As she walked in I looked her Rover, I thought she seemed quite Familia, but that was just a Mirage.
I was sitting there with my mate Joe who broke wind, I said "Oh Peugeot"
Anyway, she was quite a Starlet, wearing a nice little Mini.
She came up to me of her own Accord, I said "Audi",
She told me that she thought me quite Galant.
I'd had a few Coronas.
I tried to Impreza, she told me not to Porche it.
I told her I wanted to Lancer, turns out she was an Escort. I thought to myself,
"well that's Ford"
but I couldn't afford to pay, she said, "you don't know what you're Nissan", so I paid.
I took her back to my bedroom, or HQ as I like to call it. I was staying at the Sentra.
I had a big horn, and I was an absolute Legend, I even rubbed her Volvo, and we did it in the Anglia position.
Four minutes later when there was a Prelude, I went to see if there was any food in my Lada.
Now I was thinking about this a couple of weeks later, as I was sitting on the beach,
watching the Skyline, watching the Surf roll in.
I was sitting there thinking it was a brilliant night I'd spent with that woman,
but I should have worn a condom that fits my Mitsi, 'cos I'd left her with my Legacy,
you know, a wee Bambina, and now I'm trying to Dodge the maintenance.
Isn't it amazing what you can do with a couple of joints and a used car sales page
from the paper?
Ewen Gilmour
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HENREY FORD | Goes to heaven ::.::.:..
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Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven.
At the gate, the angel tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your
invention, the car, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone
you want in heaven."
So, Henry Ford thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang with Adam, the first man."
So, the angel points Adam out to Ford.
When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks,
"Hey, aren't you the inventor of the woman?" Adam says, "Yes."
"Well, says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front end protrusion.
2. It chatters at high speeds.
3. The rear end wobbles too much.
4. And the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmm...", says Adam, "Hold on." So Adam goes to the celestial supercomputer,
types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. The computer prints out a
slip of paper and Adam reads it.
He then says to Henry Ford, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according
to the stellar computer, more men are riding my invention than yours."
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The Texan
A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he had,
how many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man,
growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how much land
do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat and said to the
young man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup at
sunrise, drive all day long,skip lunch and still not get to the other side of my
property by sundown". The young man shot back quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what
you mean, I used to own a Ford truck too"!
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THE MAN WITH THE LOLLYPOP | ::.::.:..
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The Man with the Lollypop
A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you
get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly,
the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops."
She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in
with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned
and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"
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Love is sweet
love is golden
love should be made in back of a HOLDEN.
If you don't like it
if you get bored
Become a homosexual
and fuck in a FORD
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Here I sit broken hearted
Wishing that Ford would have started
But it didn't so that's a wrap
So I think I'll shoot that piece of crap
A little spring
A little coil
A little gas
A little oil
A piece of tin
And a 2 inch board
Nail it together
And you get a FORD!
A bit of tin
A bit of board
Put it together
and you've got a Ford
Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
If is wasn't for Fords
Tools would rust.
Dusk to dusk
Hump to hump
There went
The ford into
The dump.
I was driving my Ford truck down the road,
When I realized it was gonna explode.
The Ford motor blew up in my face,
So I put a Holden motor in it's place.
I drove that truck 'till the body panels rusted away,
But that old Holden motor still runs to this day!
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