n e w s
News of the Bilevels victory is greeted with hystaria on
the streets of Kzachstan.
                                     source Reuters®
Can you solve the mystery of this mysterious man?
Just who is big bubby jesus?
 What a barstard.
Does georges friend and our former downstairs neighbour know the answer to the riddle?
Richard Sewell meets former bilevel and cricketing icon
Ian Botham at Buxtons local hair salon.
Botham; "its pronounced Norwich".
LATEST NEWS FROM THE FRONT





The Bilevels Fishing Trip; Castle Point. The Fish wernt running.
11 September 2004
Wasnt the most successful of expiditions with only Tighe catching a seagull and myself a 10cm Kawai, but it was the bonding, the fortitude we endured stayingin our Cabin, the survival from the Country Pub, the advances from the Voluptuolis She-male towards Mike.

The End of an Era - The last of the 'Crowe' Brothers Retires.
28 July 2004
65 Game Veteran John Sewell has announced his retirement from the levels to join his brother in driving the mobile library around buxton.
In his last game against the old foe the Red shirts jonny scored -19, however consumed with guilt jonny played like a devil in the field bringing it back from despair for the boys with bowling figures of 2 overs for -13 delivering victory and bringing hope to the masses.

Good vs Evil, The bi-levels notch up one more win for freedom
2 June 2004
In one of the great bilevel victorys as recorded in the written history the Bilevels played like somthing out of a hollywood movie starring charlie sheen, a game where good overcame evil, the underdog rose and triumphed. The Bis restricted te Kp allstars to 71, however after a middle order failure constructed from some poor batting, the last partnership of J Sewell and C Rigg played one of the great innings, rescuing the Bis from the jaws of defeat. we played the KP Allstars, a collection of vagrants, street people and thugs, the oppistion at least had the graces to allow us to shake SOME of their hands at the end of the game.

Jessie The Savage Announces Retirement
22 Feburary 2004
Bastion of the back net Jessie Ventura announced his retirement, fighting back tears he said that the bilevels were possibly the greatest team in the world, and it was a great honor to have played with the greats of the game like mike.

Who said RugbyHeads had the Imagination of peices of Shit
20 Feburary 2004
Giving further ammunition to the theory that Mark Ellis was the first experiment in Human cloning, his plethora of clones in otago have come up with a novel theme at a student bar. - "Wifebeater wednesdays", where cratebottles are discounted - Good one!

Top Sellers at Allans Music Shop, Baghdad (Prewar)
27 January 2004
Number 1. Blue 'One Love'. Not one of the classic albums.
Bilevels Blow Winter Titles Final
27 November 2003
In the quest to find the best team in the centre the Levels made iit to the finals of the Earv McSweeny Memorial Trophy, only to be outwitted in the final game. Playin The Xander Zone, a Team comprising of Masters league players the levels style of exciting play was pitted against the conservative style of the gentry of the centre. Prizing there wickets the Xanders played within their abilitys finding the side of the nets, much to the frustration of the Levels who couldnt buy a wicket for love or money.

Bilevels Crowned Champions in Sensational Last over Victory
5 November 2003
After one of the most succesful Bilevel seasons ever the Levels were deservedly crowned champions after a sensational win thanks to a man of the match peformance from a Mr Chris Rigg.

Bilevel letter Published in the Dominion Post, the greatest literary work since "why league is better than Union"
7 October 2003
In an attempt to push for higher honours in the adminstrative side of the game , C. McMeeking published a letter in the Dominion Post defending the performance of S. Flemings captinacy and batting ability. The article was defined as a 'riveting and challenging' piece of journilism, comparable only to Gorge Crass,s expose into the new university education and its obssesion with the absurd, with his WRIT101 work, "Why league is Better than Rugby".

Former Bilevel lays down the challange to the Giant
7 October 2003
Pressure is growing on Gaberial Luke Kiddle to perform in the longer version of the game from former bilevel slobadon. Mychael Stevenson who starred a couple of sesons ago in the Wellington Domestic Series playing for University with the Bat, playing 5 games with a respectable average of 6.8. Over the years there has been a competitive streak between the two, this has culminated in the challange to be laid down to find who is truely the greatest Batsman to have ever laid willow to leather.
The vegetarian community has pledged there support for luke and say that "this will be a victory for all the vegetarians of the world and will show once and for alll why we dont need GE or deoderant".

Former Bilevel groupie leaves New Zealand
7 September 2003
Former wildman partyboy, crazy Wesam is leaving these shores in an effort to obtain a part on the hit rating TV show Stars in their eyes, "basically I have two shots at fame, my first choice will be Lionel Richie, or Michael Jackson, if that fails i will try my luck as Jason Donavaon".
Wesam is also on his way back to his homeland to design new tents in Kzachstan for his families herd of goats. Yakshamach

Former Bilevel set to marry
4 September 2003
Former star allrounder for the foundation bilevel team is set to marry in switzerland. Check out his website at www.timmydog.com.

Richard Sewell Retires from The Bilevels
5 July 2003
Sighting difficultys with management and playing style and how to pronounce common english placenames, Bilevel vetren R. Sewell has retired aged 25 from the Bilevels. He is off to England to pursue a contract with a county side, failing that he will play for Norwich East Side Community Centre indoor bowling club.
The bilevels wish him all the best for his future career.

Nelsonians outshine the rest of NZ
1 July 2003
The nation has been tested, and it seems Nelsonians are the brainiest people in the country.
Results from TV One's interactive national quiz Test the Nation on Monday night suggest that Nelsonians have a collective IQ of 102, marginally ahead of the next two brainiest towns - Palmerston North and
Timaru, both with 100.
Big-city dwellers were dull by comparison, with IQs of 95 in Auckland, 97 in Wellington and 99 in Christchurch.
Nelsonians were also a watt or two brighter than people over the whole nation, beating Nelson-Tasman-Marlborough region (101) and South
Islanders in general (98).
In fact, they were brainier than any other category tested, including blondes (98), North Islanders (98), rugby players (98), left-handers (97), and vegetarians (97).
The dimmest people participating appeared to be Chatham Islanders and those living in Taupo, both scoring 90.
Although not everyone from Nelson was fortunate enough to be blessed with intellignece.

A Mr Luke Kiddle did not meet the Nelson average and blamed it on his TV and Ester. Luke still maitains that an organic vegetable diet is still the key.



8 June 2003
Bilevels Evicted From Finals
The Bilevels on the eve of the League Semi finals have been Banned from the centre for defulting on payment of their registration fee. The Bilevels soon issued this statement through their lawyers. "we have not payed our registration fee since the Bilevels have been incepted into the league in 1997. We feel that the registration fee is corrupt and will be requesting a breakdown of the total monies paid and thier disimbursements."
The Bilevels

22 May 2003

Bilevel Hysteria reaches Palmerston North.

To the fantastic Bilevel cricket team

This is an adoring fan-email; I just think you guys are the absolute
best
and please keep up the good work and don't ever change! I've been
talking
to people all around the great modern city of Palmerston North, and I
think
you'll be pleased to know that you guys are just about the most popular
thing since white low-ryder pants! Many thanks for your being you and Richard Sewell is a Man God.

Anon.
Dark Days of the Bilevels.

Author: Anonymous
An Infamous Day……..

Following a pathetic run of matches from the Bi-Levels several team members were feeling that their team positions were in serious jeopardy. BAD BOY BUBBY and WEAZEL are two that come to mind. Halfway through a game in the 2000 season this all came to a head. After doctoring a sham half time vote including the voices of 4 non-Bi-Level ring-ins BB and W decided that they would only play if statistics were not recorded. The rather sorry game then progressed. Of course a lack of statistics taking did not change the outcome. Let it be recorded that that day BB scored 1 and W –7. Not at all surprising. A result not arising from statistic pressure but poor play, technique, commitment and passion.

Afterwards much argument did progress – so heated in fact that a team mate’s room was trashed, friendships strained, and an eroding flat spirit was forever destroyed. However the statistics survive and indeed remain part of the recorded history:

Bad Boy: 2 overs/32 runs/0 wickets1 run (3 outs)
Weazel2 overs/38 runs/0 wickets ,-7 runs (5 outs)
Champions!!!!