continued from : defence

-ever , an invading force does one day stumble upon these shores by accident, the responsibility of the nations defence will fall to the combined Clans, under the leadership of the Monarch. Pacifist warriors from the length and breadth of the country will join together, and present such an intimidating front as to scare off any invaders (1).

Internal

Violence is certainly nasty, but aggression is a perfectly healthy and useful behaviour. Modern warfare has become a lot like hunting for food - sneaking around under cover and trying to wipe out your foe. This is not traditional and has given the once lovely pursuit of warfare a bad name. Real war, as performed by many societies throughout history, involves intimidation through spectacular displays of costume, song and dance. Armies would go into battle to the blare of a trumpet, pipes and drums, and under these circumstances the annihilation of one side was unheard of. The losing side would sooner or later run away.

McGillicuddy will repopularise this highly ritualised and enjoyable form of warfare which ensures the minimal results (negligible deaths) for the maximum effort. It is this form of theatrical battling, pursued by the McGillicuddy Highland Army (the Military wing of the McGillicuddy Serious Party) since 1979 and still seen in many tribal societies around the world, which will serve as the model for bands of irregular warriors that each Clan will maintain for their own protection and amusement. After the GREAT LEAP BACKWARDS© all technological weapons will be banned and soldiers will be armed solely with weapons designed to cause the minimum of injury; soft swords, flour bombs and a certain skill in overacting. To defuse disagreements between Clans, rival armies will engage one another, fighting according to the time honoured rules of Pacifist Warfare. The likelihood of warfare escalating into carnage is remote given that there will be a more enjoyable lifestyle to return to, less pressure on resources (see CLAN PLANNING), and no weapons of mass destruction. Thus casualties will be minimised and warfare can once again take on the triple function of Conflict resolution, Therapeutic tension release and Entertaining pageantry.

(1) This may sound futile but is it any different from our present predicament? Realistically, the down-grading from frigates to flour bombs, and Skyhawks to wooden swords, when faced with a highly armed (and possibly nuclear capable) foe, is like swapping your sharpened stick for a blunt one when facing a cannon.